blackiponki

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:30:57 GMT

oh dear, what can the matter be?

god save us all.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:07:52 GMT

WHY IS EVERYONE ON TUMBLR NOW?! grrr.

APHRODITE BITTEN IN THE BUTT.

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 11:57:20 GMT

this cannot be happening.

she deserves someone better, someone so much better.

YOU'D better have the personality of a freaking GOD to make up for it.
i don't know you yet, but i will soon, oh i will, you'll see.

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:55:59 GMT

mixed signals, you make them an art form.

don't pretend you'll ever forget about me.

would you rather be a widow, or a divorcee
style your wake for fashion magazines?
widow, or a divorcee
don't pretend, don't pretend.

what am i supposed to think?

so joy luck club.

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:50:24 GMT

my mom bought three live crabs for dinner today after work.

i wanted to put them in the sink, with water, so at least they'd be comfortable (sort of) before being cooked for dinner tonight, but my mom just left them in the bag and put them on the kitchen floor. so i've been hearing rustlings from the kitchen all day, and it's really unnerving.

i love my meat, but don't ask me to watch it being killed. i can't bear to eat things i've seen alive being killed.

she just called me into the kitchen to get something. then i saw that she tried to kill them by spearing them with a chopstick in the gills.

i only know cos i saw her tearing the crabs apart with her hands and some kitchen tools with considerable gusto. they were very very raw. i got the chills; my hair really stood up, because i'm really against ripping things apart when they're alive, whether or not you're going to eat them later.

so i was like "ARE THEY DEAD YET?!"

and she showed me the poor crabs with the chopsticks in their gills. like, from the bottom. she said helpfully, "see, they're dead."

then she flicked their legs.

they started to move. like flail around in the sink, on their backs.

i feel sick to my stomach. i can still hear the ripping crackling sound the shells make when they're cracked open, cos she's having a hard time with the shells.

i'm not going to eat dinner tonight. i can't bear to :(

puffin classics

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 13:32:46 GMT

right. i'm here because my tumblr is currently fucked up.
i can't create any posts. stupid pictures and stupid tumblarity.

and for today, words, they're coming easier than usual.

i dont know what it is that did it.
maybe it's what we talked about today.

you and i know; nobody else does, and that's how it's going to stay

maybe it's cos i'm changing. i dont know whether its good or bad. physical or metaphysical shit. either which whosit whatsit this isnt doing it.

or maybe it's a rare moment that won't come again until another moon.

whatever it is.
i'm just glad that for once, i don't feel this word diarrhoea stopped up inside me like bile.

i'm glad i'm finally getting some kind of start on this studying shenanigan.
i made it through a one and a half hour econs consultation today. i'm pretty proud of myself, i actually learned something.

i can't remember the last time i was this inspired.

in more than one sense of the word, baby you've got to see it with all the eyes that you have

awesome teachers: mdm zalinah and miss lim lili. mr paul chow too.

now i see more than i did.
and isn't it always better to see more than see less?

you tell me now, what are we going to do?

blue eyes, green skies, natural disasters when she cries.

and i still cannot fathom how i can be so extreme yet so mundanely plain at the same time.
for once i'd like to feel one thing at a time, see one sight at a time.

how did this post end up reeking so much of emotion?

you have no idea, no idea.
how much i want it and how much i wanted it.
for the first and the last time.

do you read my words and scrutinise the curves, the lack of serifs, the flavour of each syllable?
or do you puzzle at this disorderliness, this organised chaos coming from this cluttered one-track mind. pulling in so many different directions at once.

stuck on cute is what we aim for. the second album.

words words words words words words
enemy, lover, friend or foe?

so many things at once that i wish i could say, all at once
too much, too much.

one man's trash is another man's treasure
one man's pain is another man's pleasure.

keep thinking, thinking about the title.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:33:48 GMT

so many things happening.
okay maybe not.
it's probably just me, this noise in my head.

why do the words dry up?

rayray, this is for you.

These hammers and strings been following me around
From a box filled garage 
To the dark punk rock clubs of 1000 American towns

And my friend calls me up
She says, "How have you been"
I say, "Dear I've been well
Yeah 
The money's coming but I miss you like hell
I still hear you in this old piano
Yeah"

She says, "Andy I know that we don't talk as much
But I still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs
Come on
Write me a song
Give me something to trust
Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touch"

Give me something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down
I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming so what's the point in sleeping
It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide 
So I write you a lullaby
A lullaby

These hammers and strings been following me around
Behind passenger vans
Through the snow
Dirt and sands of 1000 American towns

And my friend calls me up with her heart heavy still
She says, "Andy the doctors prescribed me the pills 
But I know I'm not crazy
I just lost my will
So why am I
Why am I taking them still"

I need something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down
I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming so what's the point in sleeping
It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide
To the sleepless
This is my reply
I will write you a lullaby
A lullaby

TO YOU WHO WON'T LEAVE HER ALONE

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 13:38:13 GMT

WHY DONT YOU GET IT?
SHE ISN'T INTERESTED!
AND SHE WILL NEVER BE!

leave her alone.
get your own life.
and stop pushing your luck with people who are too nice to give you the treatment you deserve.

you won't read this, but it feels good to think i'm yelling at you.

i never said 'm perfect.
i know i'm not.
and i know i said i'd be as zen as i can about this.

but YOU are just PUSHING YOUR LUCK.

this might not be my business.
but i do think i have a right to get angry if people relentlessly push themselves onto my friends when they want to be left alone.

wake up, smell the roses, and leave!

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 11:19:56 GMT

The boys who kiss and bite
They are the brilliant ones who speak and write with silver luck...
They sing in clever tongues
Oh how my knees go weak to be the one 
She kicks and bucks

Always quick to follow
The boys are too refined
Won't matter tomorrow
Oh, to be in his mind

And if the timing is right to sneak off into the night
I'll let myself be taken just for the thrill
And if I'm given the chance to be a doll in his hands
I will be sure we shake the mountains while we dance

To daddy singing sweet, a lullaby to all his credit speak, his golden light
To the edge with a car, he sent it off a cliff just for the spark
To hell with why.

The Boys Are Too Refined, The Hush Sound

IJC PETITION TO OPEN OUR SIDE GATE.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:18:17 GMT

www.petitionspot.com/petitions/ijc09/

please click on the link above. and feast your eyes on this.
don't get me wrong.

I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS.

poor dude doesn't realise that the precaution is for H1N1 measures.
sure, i dont really like walking, but i think this petition is a bit too much on the spoilt side.

come on, it's good to stretch your legs and bond with your classmates! :)
so you might get sunburnt. for the guys, just wait till your army days.

i'd rather be hot and sweaty than have H1N1 through carelessness.
(unless, of course, your intention is to maximise the chances of us getting H1N1. in which case this is a brilliant form of student rebellion.)
(there's a very big difference bewteen getting it stupidly and getting it on purpose.)

Mon, 18 May 2009 12:57:30 GMT

yes, i'm back.

had so many things to write about, but when i see the blank screen, my mind starts playing Monkey See, Monkey Do.
and the words turn back into nameless, faceless gut feelings.

All we need is a little bit of momentum
Break down these walls that we’ve built around ourselves.
All we need is a little bit of inertia
Break down and tell.
Break down and tell .

I need momentum, hell yeah.

And everything comes back to me in dribs and drabs.
Slowly, slowly, one step at a time.

double rainbows, honey :)

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:17:57 GMT

the light from this made my hands glow flourescent iridescent orange.
it was too bright for dusk., so i looked up from the computer.

i just stood at the window and went, wow.

then i scrambled for a camera.

just what is it about humans that make us so shutter happy?

auf weidehsein.

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 10:29:46 GMT

PACKING UP AND GETTING THE HELL OUT.

i'm moving away from livejournal.

i've found somewhere else to go.

(i'll continue to update though. this journal will always be a part of me)

see ya later, alligator.

silence is golden.

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 09:11:12 GMT

another day spent wallowing in filth, irritation, self-pity and delusion.

ugh i just want everything to stop.

fly my ass right out of this world and live on another planet because everything here is just too pithy and eloquent for me and i cant take it anymore because i'm sick of running i'm sick of being tired i'm sick of having a stupid childish journal like this i'm sick of having to deal with stupid people i'm sick of having so many shortcomings i'm sick of having to deal with my own stupidity and i am so sick of being myself and being compared to everything and everyone else all the time.

i hate the rain, it makes me feel sleepy and inadequate.

thinking of abandoning this journal and moving somewhere out of reach and somewhere where i dont see my own faults forever staring at me all the time.

what does the rain do when the sun comes back?

i have no effing idea.

and yes, im done now.

they knew it was only a matter of time.

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 08:40:31 GMT

how do you make God laugh?

you make plans, that's how.

And it came to me the, that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to Father Time.

i'm not ready for anything, and everything

but i'll take whatever you throw at me
and sock it back to you ten times harder.

nothing pithy here.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:42:25 GMT

and i'm so sick and tired of this whole body image conscious thing.

makes me want to throw rocks at those perfect girls who've never had any bodily flaws in their lives.
flawless skin, flawless hair, flawless bodies.
they dont know how good they've got it.

wow, you look so healthy now.

i hate this.

cath.

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 08:15:35 GMT

Cath, she stands with a well-intentioned man.
But she can't relax with his hand on the small of her back.
And as the flash bulbs burst
She holds a smile like someone would hold a crying child.

And soon everbody will ask what became of you
Cause your love was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do.

Cath, it seems that you live in someone else's dream
With a hand-me-down wedding dress
Where the things that could have been are oppressed.
But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more.

And soon everbody will ask what became of you
Cause your love was dying fast, and you didn't know what to do.

And the whispers that it won't last roll up and down the pews.
But if their hearts were dying that fast
They'd have done the same as you.
I'd have done the same as you.

i never know if i'm doing the right thing or not.
to go this way or the other, to stay, or to turn and run?

To warn us all it's only a matter of time
Before we all burn.

victorian wisdom.

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 09:56:14 GMT

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is fair of grace.
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thurdsay's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child must work for a living.
But the child who is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

Daisies are our silver
Buttercups our gold.
I'd not exchange these glowing flowers
For heaps of wealth untold.

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Bless the bed that I lie on.
Four corners to my bed
Four angels round my head.
One to sing and one to pray
And two to carry my soul away.

Here am I, little Jumping Joan,
When nobody's with me,
I'm always alone.

And it'll be just as quiet when I leave as it was when I first got here.
I don't expect anything
I don't expect anything.

passion and motivation.

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 10:32:39 GMT

i heard on a commercial today,
"what's your passion?"

and i was stumped.

questions like these, they jump out at me from nowhere, and they throw me off track.

i still haven't narrowed down anything yet.
music literature art meaning life education philosophy contrariwisdom patterns nature cosmic order
somehow, i dont think anything i've listed makes sense.

it's scary to know my life doesn't have a direction.
other than A's. but i'm not talking about that.

i mean, a real direction. a life goal. something timeless, something intangible.
not something materialistic.
i think we're all more than capable of setting material goals.

some people live for love
some for possessions
others, for nothing.

love, i've never believed in it.
all the romance, the poignance, the notion of poetry in motion.
how is that realistically possible?
such cynism, but i've yet to be proven wrong.

possessions, i've learnt how foolish it is
to place such inordinate worth on it.
i learnt this the hard way, a long time ago.
but that is beside the point.

for nothing?
the thought scares me.

just where do i fit in, in all of this?

stop and smell the roses - mutts.

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:16:14 GMT

such brilliance!
taken from the Mutts comic.

worn me down - rachael yamagata.

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 15:08:48 GMT

Gone, she's gone
How do you feel about it
That's what I thought
You're real torn up about it.
And I wish you the best
But I could do without it.
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will, because you've worn me down.

Worn me down like a road
I did everything you told.
Worn me down to my knees
I did everything to please.
But you can't stop thinking about her
No, you can't stop thinking about her.

And you're wrong, you're wrong
I'm not overreacting
Something is off.
Why don't we ever believe ourselves
And I, oh, I feel that word for you.
And I will, because you've worn me down
Oh, I will, because you have worn me down.

She's so pretty; she's so damn right
But I'm so tired of thinking
About her again tonight.

and if i could, i'd hurl this song at you
for once and for all.
now do you see?
i wash my hands of you.
for once and for all.

coffee, bagels with butter, jam, and cream cheese.

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 11:56:27 GMT

i was just thinking about my title.
how i'd like to have that everyday for breakfast, and not get fat.

because when i see those indie girls on the street with their bed hair, green cardigans and their leather sling bags and assorted bangles with their slim bodies and airy fairy ways and floaty gracefulness,
i get so blindingly, insanely jealous.

i never said this post was going to be philosophical.

with the way things are going,
small things like writing a blatantly superficial post
have become my self-indulgence, my version of having a spa day.

so many things i wish for.
so many of them luxuriant, selfish, unrealistic, and far from mature.

usually i'd feel guilty about them.
but now, i'm just too exhausted to give a flying fig.
and i think
what's wrong with being selfish for just a day out of 364 others?

sleeping when i feel like it, even though i have a thousand assignments to do.
eating when i feel like it, even though i know i'll regret it when i have to run afterwards.
staying silent when i feel like it, even when i have a thousand people to reply to.
taking a long bath when i feel like it, even though there's only so much hot water.

i know, such foolishness.

ugh.

Be Be Your Love

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 13:56:42 GMT

what a day.

just some of the things that happened:

gym competition
crap early morning.
intimidation.
library outing with a friend
got lost in queensway
cell battery died
uncontactable mother
wasted round trip from bishan to ikea to bishan again
frustration.
seven mosquito bites in 5 minutes
broke.
confusion.
no study productivity whatsoever
one week to blocks
depression.
awkward silences
drifting consciousness
exhaustion.

livejournal updates
facebook duties
spam
meaningless, all meaningless!

and sometimes, i just get so tired of all this.

ugh.

let's see how far we've come:
0 km, but a huge leap in logic.

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 12:42:41 GMT

so tired.
everything's so convoluted.

what happened to rainbow days and lightning alerts?

time goes by, so slowly.

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:02:05 GMT

i was just thinking about all the things that make me smile today.
and i realised i have a lot to smile about! :)

not that i didn't know this before. the last few days just helped me put like a tonne of things in perspective.
it's just... context.

so many people to be grateful for.

jill, arielle, nat, qing, manda, miss ashley.

thank you for being you! :)
you guys light up my sky.

on another note.

truth be told, I miss you
truth be told, I'm LYING!

and on another another note!
i can't help myself, you're just so cute.

and it's so hard, so hard these days,
to find someone like you.